Meanwhile, at the Ranch #5

Finishing the Ranch Breezeway (and Breaking My Kneecap)

The Knee

Two rebuilds and a hard lesson later, the breezeway’s finished – a process that left me with a fractured kneecap and newfound respect for leveling every inch. The second rebuild, same reason, different section. The lesson, which I now know in my bones and also one specific kneecap: level everything.

Three weeks ago, I caught my foot on a utility room bin, fracturing my kneecap on the concrete floor.

My response was to go kneel inside the almost-finished breezeway for two hours.

The kneecap lodged its objection. I overruled it.

By end of afternoon, I couldn’t walk on it. Couldn’t sleep either. At 6am I gave up, accepted defeat, and went to the ER — where a very patient ER doc used the word “fracture” in a tone that suggested she had opinions about my life choices.

Work stopped. My trip to Portland got canceled. The hardware store guys started asking where I was.

I am choosing to find that charming rather than alarming.

The Part Where I Had to Watch

Jon offered to bring Katie and the girls out. Thank goodness.

They finished the hardcloth installation on the pen and the breezeway while I watched from the sidelines with my leg immobilized and my opinions fully intact.

I am not someone who watches well — I hold the other end of things, offer real-time commentary on whether the measurement looks right, and am, according to James, a delight to work with.

He said it without making eye contact, but still.

But the project was done. The thing I started in the rain, rebuilt twice, planned with an AI who has never touched a power tool, and then knelt on for two hours on a fractured kneecap was finished.

I’ll take it.

First Day in the Pen

I set up a camera on a tripod to document the moment.

Neo walked over, assessed the situation, grabbed the power cord, and pulled the whole thing over in one deliberate motion.

Not an accident. A statement.

Of course he did.

I carefully lowered myself to the gravel — fractured kneecap and all — and took pictures from their level. Which is how I ended up sitting on the ground in the new pen, surrounded by four peafowl, holding my camera with my hands like some kind of tourist.

Neo stood nearby and watched me. He didn’t help.

The birds were cautious. Four birds who had been waiting months for more space, and when they finally got it, they stood at the edge of it like it might be a trap.

Honestly, that was fair.

It took a few days. And then one morning I walked out and all four were in the pen — sitting down, settled, not testing anything.

Just in there. Like they’d always been there.

That was the moment it was complete.

The total cost: one kneecap, one impact driver, a lot of lumber, and way too much time and patience.

Would I do it again? Yes. Minus the kneecap part, and if I’d leveled it to start with.

The kneecap was non-negotiable, apparently.

From the New Pen


Questionable Choice Award

Presented with reluctant pride

This round, the award goes to me. Again.

For the decision — made on a freshly fractured kneecap, in the final stretch of a project that had already been rebuilt twice — to keep kneeling. For two hours. Because almost done felt like a reasonable counterargument to basic structural damage.

The committee would like to note that this is the second consecutive award presented to the same recipient.

The committee would further like to note that this is not a streak anyone should be proud of.

The committee is beginning to wonder if the ranch selects for this, or produces it.

Congratulations, Shandra. The hardware store guys missed you. The birds did not notice you were gone. The kneecap has filed a formal complaint.


If you need me, I’ll be on the couch with my leg elevated, not in Portland, watching the birds on a camera Neo has not yet located — and googling “whether two hours of kneeling on a construction project with a fractured kneecap counts as aggravating the injury or just optimism.”

Meanwhile, at the Ranch #4

The Breezeway Is Under Construction.

Breezeway mid-build
The base, leveled more than once.

I am building a breezeway between the greenhouse and the new run.

I have never built anything like this. Not once. In my life.

What I have built is handyman projects. A shelf. A latch. Things you can fix with a hammer and low expectations.

This is not that.

So I did what any reasonable woman in 2026 does when handed an impossible project and no qualifications: I wrote a 20-page plan with AI. Every cut. Every board. Every unfamiliar technique explained — pocket jigs, framing, leveling — like a beginner’s guide for someone whose primary qualification was having birds and a deadline.

I had diagrams. A materials spreadsheet. A cut list. And confidence, which in retrospect was the most questionable piece of equipment I brought to site.

I do not have a completed breezeway.

What I have is a build that is going to turn out fine. Eventually. At roughly ten times the original time estimate.

The First Collision

The plan was to build along the slope rather than leveling the whole base with blocks. Technically fine. It would have worked “ok” — AI-speak for “this is a great idea.”

Halfway in, I realized I needed a side panel for access. Which meant the panel needed to sit level. Which meant the base needed to be level.

Which meant taking everything apart and rebuilding it from scratch.

One day. Gone.

The good news: it is more stable. It looks nicer. The side panel was the right call. The thing I was forced into is better than the thing I planned.

I just paid for that in daylight.

The AI Gave Me Two Jobs

Every morning before I pick up a tool, I reread the plan.

Not because I’m memorizing it. Because the AI has been quietly embedding errors all along, and if I don’t catch them before I cut, I’m going to build them.

Measurements that don’t add up. Steps that assume tools I don’t own. A calculation that runs ahead of reality by half an inch.

Small things. Confident things.

The AI wrote the plan. The AI also now has me running full-time QA on the plan.

I did not know I was applying for the second job.

In fairness: I would not have known how to start without it. Pocket jigs, frame construction, the order of operations, the words I needed to search for, the diagrams when I said “show me.” It gave me a mountain I had no business climbing and the rope to climb it.

It also tied some of the knots slightly wrong.

The materials spreadsheet, meanwhile, has been the quiet hero of this operation. Every board, every cut, in order. Almost zero waste. If the plan was the mountain, the spreadsheet is the sherpa.

The sherpa has not tried to kill me once.

Morpheus on Watch

Morpheus peering through the greenhouse roofline
The angle has been identified.

Morpheus has found the angle.

There is exactly one spot inside the greenhouse — the highest perch, a specific head tilt — where a bird can look up through the roofline window and see me out on the breezeway.

He knows where it is.

When I’m working, he is there. Head tilted. Eyes on the operation.

He is not alarmed. He is not dramatic. He is, as near as I can tell, just checking in.

Han stares outward. Leia positions. Neo does his usual nothing.

Morpheus does reconnaissance.

At some point I am going to turn around and find a clipboard.

Ranch Security Report

The department remains grounded. Intel this cycle came in from the human side, because the birds were not in a position to contribute.

Spring mowing stirred up the local snake population. It was a two-snake day.

Central Texas has four venomous species to keep track of — rattlesnakes, copperheads, water moccasins, and coral snakes. We crossed paths with one of the four this week. The other snake was non-venomous. It did not feel that way in the moment.

The Texas Rat Snake. A long Texas rat snake presented itself in my path at the exact moment my foot was already in the air. There was a second in which it could have gone many ways. The birds, on any other day, would have alerted on this from a hundred yards away. The birds were inside a run. I alerted on it myself. Loudly. I made more noise about it than any of them would have.

The Coral Snake. Red touching yellow. The exact band order you hope you never have to identify in the field, because the rhyme only matters once. My 78-year-old mother took its head off with a shovel — the handled-it response we use for dangerous snakes in Central Texas, where a coral snake bite can turn bad fast. Mom has lived out here most of her life. She knows what a shovel is for. Seventy-eight and undefeated.

The Warden With Power Tools. Meanwhile, inside the run, the one genuinely unfamiliar stimulus the birds can observe — a woman ten feet away running saws and drills she is only partially qualified to operate — has been classified as television. They line up. They watch. Someone makes approving noises.

Threat assessment department has been reallocated.

Catch Up

The blog has been quiet. For a reason. I’ve been building every day. The warden has had no time to write. The warden also has sore arms.

Safer, Simpler, and Absolutely Miserable. The birds are safer. The driveway is cleaner. Nobody is standing on my car. The enrichment I didn’t know I had is gone. Read the post →

They Ate My Spider Plant. It Actually Looks Better Now. The peafowl pruning service makes its debut. No appointments. No fee. Quality of work: genuinely surprising. Watch →

Neo Was Born for Flamenco ? Peacock Rain Dance. My dad took footage of Neo’s fan dance and cut it to flamenco guitar. Every shimmy lands on the beat. Watch →

Meanwhile, the Garden

Before the peacocks, I was a gardener.

The garden has not forgotten me — even when I have been slow to return its calls. The roses are in. The amaryllis have come up. The hummingbirds are back.

Previous hobbies tend to be patient with us.

Questionable Choice Award

Breezeway build in progress
The breezeway, still growing.

This round, the award goes to me.

For the decision — made one confident afternoon — to build a breezeway between the greenhouse and the new run. By myself. With no construction experience. Armed with a 20-page plan I wrote with an AI who had also never built anything.

The outcome is going to be fine.

The choice was not.

Congratulations, Shandra. You earned this.

Welcome to the club. You were already a founding member.

If you need me, I’ll be out by the run with a drill, a spreadsheet, and a pencil, rereading the plan for its 11th pass and googling “what percentage of AI-generated construction math is supposed to be wrong.”

Meanwhile, at the Ranch #3

The Mirror Situation

Since the lockup, things have been quiet.

Suspiciously quiet.

Four peacocks locked in the run

I put a large mirror inside the greenhouse. This is not a new idea — back when Han and Leia were in the brooder, mirrors created a “virtual flock” and calmed them down almost instantly. Two chicks who couldn’t stand touching each other sat side by side and stared at themselves for hours. Peace, restored through narcissism.

The same logic applies now. Enrichment. Stimulation. Something to look at that isn’t each other.

What I did not expect was the scheduling.

Two birds stand in front of the mirror. Two birds wait out in the pen. It is always a matched pair — Han and Leia, or Morpheus and Neo. Never a mix of older and younger. They do not share mirror time across age groups.

Then, without warning or discussion, they switch.

I turn around and the two birds who were in front of the mirror are gone, and the other two are inside, in position, like they’ve been there all along.

No argument. No drama. No one had to be asked.

The birds who spent weeks fighting over perch inches have apparently worked out an orderly timeshare arrangement for a mirror. On their own. Without me.

I cannot tell if this is impressive or deeply unsettling. Possibly both.

• • •

Ranch Projects in Progress

Build Update
The Not-a-Chicken-Run
The framing for the not-a-chicken-run starts today. Three tons of sand are already on site. James has been buried with work, so this may be a solo project for a while. That’s fine. I know how to handle solo projects.First stop: the hardware store.I will not be taking questions about how many times I’ve been there this week. Details.

James’s Project
The Automatic Coop Door
Not sourcing one. Not installing a kit. Building one from the ground up — PCB designed, components assembled, firmware written, door being cut. This is the same man who solved a week of peacock bedtime battles by standing quietly in a yard and doing nothing. He apparently contains multitudes.

Ongoing
The Pool Structure
A welding crew has been replacing the steel superstructure that holds the shade canopy over my therapy pool. Almost halfway done after two weeks — a proper rebuild, not a patch.

• • •

Catch Up

What’s New — Dispatches from the Ranch

The Night My Birds Ran Away From Home
Blog Post
The Night My Birds Ran Away From Home
Read the post →
The Neighbor's Flower Bed Is Not an Option, Morpheus
Blog Post
The Neighbor’s Flower Bed Is Not an Option, Morpheus
Read the post →
Jail Birds
Blog Post
Jail Birds
Read the post →

Short Videos

The Nightly Peacock Roundup

YouTube Short

The Nightly Peacock Roundup
The Neo Fan Dance

YouTube Short

The Neo Fan Dance
Peacocks Calling From the Trees

YouTube Short

Peacocks Calling to Each Other From the Trees

• • •

Award ribbon

Questionable Choice Award

Presented with reluctant pride


Four birds clearing the fence

Collectively. Unanimously. With footage.

What we have on camera is all four of them clearing the fence in a line — calmly, deliberately, like a small delegation that had somewhere to be and simply hadn’t mentioned it. They walked two properties down to visit the neighbor, hung out for a while, and wandered back when they felt like it.

Not lost. Not fleeing anything. Just out.

The escape is why they’re in jail now. But the award is for the escape itself.

Congratulations to Han Solo, Princess Leia, Morpheus, and Neo — this round’s Questionable Choice Award winners. You caused a 45-minute search, a minor breakdown, and a commute I did not apply for.

Welcome to the club. You were already founding members.

See the award →

• • •

If you need me, I’ll be at the hardware store for the 8th time this week and googling “can peafowl recognize themselves in a mirror or are they just impressed by the company.”

Meanwhile, at the Ranch #2


Turkey Mating Season (Nobody Is Having a Good Time)

Wild turkeys in the pasture

The wild turkeys are in full mating season, and they have brought the party to our property.

If you’ve never seen a wild turkey tom in full display, picture a feathered bowling ball puffed to maximum capacity, dragging his wings on the ground, and making a sound that is somewhere between a drum roll and a car that won’t start. Now picture several of them. All day. In the middle of the peafowl’s territory.

The toms are displaying. The hens are unimpressed. And the whole flock has decided that the best place to stage this production is right where my birds eat, patrol, and exist.

The peafowl are not amused. They did not audition for this. They did not agree to share the yard with a dozen inflated cousins who have no volume control and zero sense of personal space.

At least when my birds are dramatic, they have the courtesy to do it on their own property.

The Neighbor Visits

Remember the night all four birds vanished at dusk and I walked two properties, drove the gravel road, and called until I was hoarse?

I found out where they were going.

The next day, I got a call from our 92-year-old neighbor. He lives two properties down — nearly 300 yards through the brush.

He wanted to tell me how much he liked the peacocks visiting.

Visiting.

They weren’t lost. They weren’t confused. They weren’t running from a predator.

They were making social calls.

Apparently, all four birds had been walking down to his place, hanging out with him and his wife, and then — when they felt like it — wandering back.

Which is good. Because they have continued doing it. Every day. For the last week.

Sometimes they come home on their own. Most nights, I take an evening walk through the brush to go get them. The good news is they follow me home and go right into the greenhouse for bedtime, like the nightly roundup is a tradition they have grudgingly agreed to honor.

The bad news is I now have a commute.

For birds.

Ranch Security Report

The flock takes perimeter defense seriously. Their threat assessment, however, continues to need work.

🏗️

The construction crew. Threat: Imaginary

The workers have been on the property all week. The birds love them. They greet every truck, escort workers across the yard, and generally act like a welcoming committee that nobody requested. Not one alarm call.

🪜

The ladder. Threat: Imaginary

The moment a worker went vertical, all four birds lost their minds. Not when the strangers arrived. Not when power tools started. When a human went ten feet in the air. Apparently, a person at ground level is a friend. A person above the roofline is a threat requiring immediate response.

Threat assessment still needs work. But at least they’re alarming for something now.

Progress.

• • •

Catch Up

The origin story is complete.
The full run of Timeline posts — from “No chickens” to the ranch finally looking like the plan — is now live. If you’re new here, that’s where the story begins.

The Final Timeline Posts

Episode 10

The Accidental Walkabout

The birds went free range for the first time. Nobody asked if they were ready.

Read the Full Story →

Episode 11

The Great Relocation

Moving four teenage peafowl out of the porch and into the greenhouse. A process.

Read the Full Story →

Episode 12

The Part Where the Ranch Finally Looked Like the Plan

The last post in the origin story. The one where it all came together. Mostly.

Read the Full Story →

What’s New — Dispatches from the Ranch

The Night Nobody Slept (Including the Raccoons)

Read the post →

The Night They All Disappeared

Read the post →

The Day Han Solo Finally Got the Tesla

Read the post →

Short Videos

My Peacocks Sound Like Velociraptors

Watch →

Thunderstorm? My Peacocks Chose the Porch.

Watch →

Wild Turkey Throws Himself at a Moving Car — Twice

Watch →

The Nightly Peacock Roundup

Watch →

• • •

Questionable Choice Award

Presented with reluctant pride


Watch the footage

Watch the footage →

This round, the award goes to all four birds.

Collectively. Unanimously. With footage.

We caught them on camera clearing the fence in a line — calmly, deliberately, like a small delegation that had somewhere to be and had simply not mentioned it.

So I fixed the gate. With power tools. Problem solved.

They found a new spot.

I don’t know where it is yet. But they are still visiting the neighbors daily, which means they have already identified an alternate route and are not inclined to share it.

Congratulations to Han Solo, Princess Leia, Morpheus, and Neo — this round’s Questionable Choice Award winners. You earned it.

Welcome to the club. You were already members.

If you need me, I’ll be walking through the brush at dusk like a woman with a commute she didn’t apply for, googling “do peacocks visit neighbors on purpose or is this just a coincidence I’m going to have to manage.”

Meanwhile, at the Ranch #2


Turkey Mating Season (Nobody Is Having a Good Time)

Wild turkeys in the pasture

The uninvited guests

The wild turkeys are in full mating season, and they have brought the party to our property.

If you’ve never seen a wild turkey tom in full display, picture a feathered bowling ball puffed to maximum capacity, dragging his wings on the ground, and making a sound that is somewhere between a drum roll and a car that won’t start. Now picture several of them. All day. In the middle of the peafowl’s territory.

The toms are displaying. The hens are unimpressed. And the whole flock has decided that the best place to stage this production is right where my birds eat, patrol, and exist.

The peafowl are not amused. They did not audition for this. They did not agree to share the yard with a dozen inflated cousins who have no volume control and zero sense of personal space.

At least when my birds are dramatic, they have the courtesy to do it on their own property.

The Neighbor Visits

Remember the night all four birds vanished at dusk and I walked two properties, drove the gravel road, and called until I was hoarse?

I found out where they were going.

The next day, I got a call from our 92-year-old neighbor. He lives two properties down — nearly 300 yards through the brush.

He wanted to tell me how much he liked the peacocks visiting.

Visiting.

They weren’t lost. They weren’t confused. They weren’t running from a predator.

They were making social calls.

Apparently, all four birds had been walking down to his place, hanging out with him and his wife, and then — when they felt like it — wandering back.

Which is good. Because they have continued doing it. Every day. For the last week.

Sometimes they come home on their own. Most nights, I take an evening walk through the brush to go get them. The good news is they follow me home and go right into the greenhouse for bedtime, like the nightly roundup is a tradition they have grudgingly agreed to honor.

The bad news is I now have a commute.

For birds.

Ranch Security Report

The flock takes perimeter defense seriously. Their threat assessment, however, continues to need work.

?️
The construction crew.
Threat: Imaginary

The workers have been on the property all week. The birds love them. They greet every truck, escort workers across the yard, and generally act like a welcoming committee that nobody requested. Not one alarm call.

?
The ladder.
Threat: Imaginary

The moment a worker went vertical, all four birds lost their minds. Not when the strangers arrived. Not when power tools started. When a human went ten feet in the air. Apparently, a person at ground level is a friend. A person above the roofline is a threat requiring immediate response.

Threat assessment still needs work. But at least they’re alarming for something now.

Progress.

• • •

Catch Up

The origin story is complete.
The full run of Timeline posts — from “No chickens” to the ranch finally looking like the plan — is now live. If you’re new here, that’s where the story begins. The last three posts in the arc are below.

The Final Timeline Posts

Episode 10
The Accidental Walkabout
The birds went free range for the first time. Nobody asked if they were ready.
Read the Full Story →

Episode 11
The Great Relocation
Moving four teenage peafowl out of the porch and into the greenhouse. A process.
Read the Full Story →

Episode 12
The Part Where the Ranch Finally Looked Like the Plan
The last post in the origin story. The one where it all came together. Mostly.
Read the Full Story →

What’s New — Dispatches from the Ranch

The Night Nobody Slept
Blog Post
The Night Nobody Slept (Including the Raccoons)

The Night They All Disappeared
Blog Post
The Night They All Disappeared

The Day Han Solo Finally Got the Tesla
Blog Post
The Day Han Solo Finally Got the Tesla

Short Videos

My Peacocks Sound Like Velociraptors

YouTube Short

My Peacocks Sound Like Velociraptors

Thunderstorm? My Peacocks Chose the Porch.

YouTube

Thunderstorm? My Peacocks Chose the Porch.

Wild Turkey Throws Himself at a Moving Car

YouTube

Wild Turkey Throws Himself at a Moving Car — Twice

The Nightly Peacock Roundup

YouTube

The Nightly Peacock Roundup

• • •

Questionable Choice Award
Presented with reluctant pride

This round, the award goes to all four birds.

Collectively. Unanimously. With footage.

We caught them on camera clearing the fence in a line — calmly, deliberately, like a small delegation that had somewhere to be and had simply not mentioned it.

So I fixed the gate. With power tools. Problem solved.

They found a new spot.

I don’t know where it is yet. But they are still visiting the neighbors daily, which means they have already identified an alternate route and are not inclined to share it.

Congratulations to Han Solo, Princess Leia, Morpheus, and Neo — this round’s Questionable Choice Award winners. You earned it.

Welcome to the club. You were already members.

If you need me, I’ll be walking through the brush at dusk like a woman with a commute she didn’t apply for, googling “do peacocks visit neighbors on purpose or is this just a coincidence I’m going to have to manage.”

Meanwhile, at the Ranch #1

Biweekly Roundup


The Turkey Summit

The wild turkeys live here year-round. This is their property too, technically, though no one has informed Leia.

The two groups have never actually met face to face. Different schedules. Different parts of the property. A polite mutual ignorance.

That ended this week when about five turkey hens discovered the spilled birdseed on the ground.

The same spilled birdseed the peacocks had already claimed.

Leia puffed up to roughly twice her size, which is impressive given that she is already convinced she is the largest creature on this property. She postured. She stalked. She made it very clear that this was her birdseed, on her ground, and whatever these oversized cousins thought they were doing, they could rethink it immediately.

Han held position nearby, doing his best impression of a bouncer who wasn’t sure if he was supposed to intervene or just look large.

No contact was made. But the energy was hostile.

The turkey hens, for their part, did not even look up. Five of them continued pecking at the ground like a lunch rush that could not be intimidated by management.

Film at 11.


Ranch Security Report

The flock takes perimeter defense seriously. Their threat assessment, however, needs work.

The fox. All four birds chased an actual fox out of the yard this week. Full sprint. Wings out. Like small feathered raptors straight out of Jurassic Park. This was a legitimate threat and they handled it like professionals.

The package. Han alerted us to a box from Amazon on the porch. Full alarm call. The box was motionless. Threatening no one. The delivery driver who walked right past him? Not a sound.

The squirrel. All four birds lost their collective minds over a squirrel in a tree. I ran outside expecting a predator. The squirrel did not care. The peacocks have not recovered.

One out of three ain ‘t bad.


Catch Up

? Morpheus and the Nightly Aria
A problem chick, a nightly whistle, and the discovery that Andrea Bocelli could do what Tim McGraw could not.
Read the post →

? Four Peacocks. One Squirrel. Zero Chill.
All four birds sounding the alarm. The intruder was a squirrel.
Watch the short →

? The Rooftop Camping Saga Continues
The bedtime rebellion is alive and well. They were asked nicely. They said no.
Watch the short →


Questionable Choice Award

This one goes to a collared lizard who misjudged his reentry into his hibernation spot.

We had a warm day that turned cold fast at dusk, and he got stuck. Don’t worry — the next day it warmed up enough for him to get back inside.

So our little Mr. Collared Lizard is the first winner of the Questionable Choice Award.

Welcome to the club, buddy. You ‘ll fit right in.


If you need me, I’ll be refereeing a birdseed custody dispute and googling “do peafowl hold grudges against other poultry or is it personal.”