Han Solo

General Observations

Han Solo believes he is the protector of this ranch.

He is not.

But he believes it deeply, and with the kind of conviction that cannot be argued with because it does not require facts. He has guard dog energy, an impressive lack of critical thinking skills, and no volume control.

He moves with purpose. The purpose is usually unnecessary. The conviction is absolute.

His energy is pure Foghorn Leghorn.

Notable Incidents

The False Alarm Period

Upon gaining access to the larger pasture, Han spent considerable time sending up alarms for perceived threats.

Investigation revealed the threats to be: grass, wind, shadows, nothing, and more nothing.

Frequency has decreased. Confidence has not.

The Fox

Han and Neo chased an actual fox out of the yard at full sprint. Wings out. Like small feathered raptors who had finally found a reason to take their jobs seriously.

This was a legitimate threat and they handled it like professionals.

One out of three ain’t bad.

The Car Situation

Han knows exactly where James’s blue Tesla lives.

He would very much like to get on top of it.

This is not allowed. Han disagrees.

There is a history behind this rule. It involves a turkey, a Nissan 370z, and ruined paint.

Han has already tested the policy.

The Perch Racket

Han and Leia have established a system for managing the greenhouse perches.

It is not a fair system.

The younger birds have opinions about this arrangement.

Han does not care about their opinions.

Current Status

Believes he is the hero of this story.
Runs the perch protection racket with Leia.
Still not allowed on the Tesla.