Han Solo

Subject is on patrol. Threat assessment: incorrect.

General Observations

Han Solo believes he is the protector of this ranch.

He is not.

But he believes it deeply, and with the kind of conviction that cannot be argued with because it does not require facts. He has guard dog energy, an impressive lack of critical thinking skills, and no volume control.

He moves with purpose. The purpose is usually unnecessary. The conviction is absolute.

His energy is pure “spinning beachball”.

Notable Incidents

The False Alarm Period

Upon gaining access to the larger pasture, Han spent considerable time sending up alarms for perceived threats.

Investigation revealed the threats to be: grass, wind, shadows, nothing, and more nothing.

Current status: Ongoing, though frequency has decreased as he’s found new things to honk about.

The Amazon Driver Incident (One-Time Success)

Han Solo honked at an Amazon delivery driver.

This represented his first and only appropriate threat assessment. There was hope this indicated a learning curve.

Subsequent deliveries: No honking.

Assessment: Accidental success, not pattern recognition.

Han’s interpretation: Threat successfully neutralized. Job complete.

Current Status

Believes he is the hero of this story.
Runs the perch protection racket with Leia.
Still not allowed on the Tesla.
Known associate: Leia (perch protection racket).