February 20, 2026

Meanwhile, at the Ranch #1

Biweekly Roundup

Biweekly Roundup


The Turkey Summit

The wild turkeys live here year-round. This is their property too, technically, though no one has informed Leia.

The two groups have never actually met face to face. Different schedules. Different parts of the property. A polite mutual ignorance.

That ended this week when about five turkey hens discovered the spilled birdseed on the ground.

The same spilled birdseed the peacocks had already claimed.

Leia puffed up to roughly twice her size, which is impressive given that she is already convinced she is the largest creature on this property. She postured. She stalked. She made it very clear that this was her birdseed, on her ground, and whatever these oversized cousins thought they were doing, they could rethink it immediately.

Han held position nearby, doing his best impression of a bouncer who wasn’t sure if he was supposed to intervene or just look large.

No contact was made. But the energy was hostile.

The turkey hens, for their part, did not even look up. Five of them continued pecking at the ground like a lunch rush that could not be intimidated by management.

Film at 11.


Ranch Security Report

The flock takes perimeter defense seriously. Their threat assessment, however, needs work.

🦊

The fox.

Threat: Real

All four birds chased an actual fox out of the yard this week. Full sprint. Wings out. Like small feathered raptors straight out of Jurassic Park. This was a legitimate threat and they handled it like professionals.

📦

The package.

Threat: Imaginary

Han alerted us to a box from Amazon on the porch. Full alarm call. The box was motionless. Threatening no one. The delivery driver who walked right past him? Not a sound.

🐿️

The squirrel.

Threat: Imaginary

All four birds lost their collective minds over a squirrel in a tree. I ran outside expecting a predator. The squirrel did not care. The peacocks have not recovered.

One out of three ain’t bad.

• • •
• • •

🏆

Mr. Collared Lizard

Questionable Choice Award

This one goes to a collared lizard who misjudged his reentry into his hibernation spot.

We had a warm day that turned cold fast at dusk, and he got stuck. Don’t worry — the next day it warmed up enough for him to get back inside.

So our little is the first winner of the Questionable Choice Award.

Welcome to the club, buddy. You’ll fit right in.


If you need me, I’ll be refereeing a birdseed custody dispute and googling “do peafowl hold grudges against other poultry or is it personal.”

The Day We Almost Lost Neo

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👋 It’s nice to meet you.

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