Turkey Mating Season (Nobody Is Having a Good Time)
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The wild turkeys are in full mating season, and they have brought the party to our property.
If you’ve never seen a wild turkey tom in full display, picture a feathered bowling ball puffed to maximum capacity, dragging his wings on the ground, and making a sound that is somewhere between a drum roll and a car that won’t start. Now picture several of them. All day. In the middle of the peafowl’s territory.
The toms are displaying. The hens are unimpressed. And the whole flock has decided that the best place to stage this production is right where my birds eat, patrol, and exist.
The peafowl are not amused. They did not audition for this. They did not agree to share the yard with a dozen inflated cousins who have no volume control and zero sense of personal space.
At least when my birds are dramatic, they have the courtesy to do it on their own property.
The Neighbor Visits
Remember the night all four birds vanished at dusk and I walked two properties, drove the gravel road, and called until I was hoarse?
I found out where they were going.
The next day, I got a call from our 92-year-old neighbor. He lives two properties down — nearly 300 yards through the brush.
He wanted to tell me how much he liked the peacocks visiting.
Visiting.
They weren’t lost. They weren’t confused. They weren’t running from a predator.
They were making social calls.
Apparently, all four birds had been walking down to his place, hanging out with him and his wife, and then — when they felt like it — wandering back.
Which is good. Because they have continued doing it. Every day. For the last week.
Sometimes they come home on their own. Most nights, I take an evening walk through the brush to go get them. The good news is they follow me home and go right into the greenhouse for bedtime, like the nightly roundup is a tradition they have grudgingly agreed to honor.
The bad news is I now have a commute.
For birds.
Ranch Security Report
The flock takes perimeter defense seriously. Their threat assessment, however, continues to need work.
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The construction crew. Threat: Imaginary The workers have been on the property all week. The birds love them. They greet every truck, escort workers across the yard, and generally act like a welcoming committee that nobody requested. Not one alarm call. |
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The ladder. Threat: Imaginary The moment a worker went vertical, all four birds lost their minds. Not when the strangers arrived. Not when power tools started. When a human went ten feet in the air. Apparently, a person at ground level is a friend. A person above the roofline is a threat requiring immediate response. |
Threat assessment still needs work. But at least they’re alarming for something now.
Progress.
• • •
Catch Up
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The origin story is complete. The full run of Timeline posts — from “No chickens” to the ranch finally looking like the plan — is now live. If you’re new here, that’s where the story begins. |
The Final Timeline Posts
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Episode 10 The Accidental Walkabout The birds went free range for the first time. Nobody asked if they were ready. |
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Episode 11 The Great Relocation Moving four teenage peafowl out of the porch and into the greenhouse. A process. |
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Episode 12 The Part Where the Ranch Finally Looked Like the Plan The last post in the origin story. The one where it all came together. Mostly. |
What’s New — Dispatches from the Ranch
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The Night Nobody Slept (Including the Raccoons) |
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The Night They All Disappeared |
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The Day Han Solo Finally Got the Tesla |
Short Videos
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My Peacocks Sound Like Velociraptors |
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Thunderstorm? My Peacocks Chose the Porch. |
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Wild Turkey Throws Himself at a Moving Car — Twice |
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The Nightly Peacock Roundup |
• • •
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Questionable Choice Award Presented with reluctant pride
This round, the award goes to all four birds. Collectively. Unanimously. With footage. We caught them on camera clearing the fence in a line — calmly, deliberately, like a small delegation that had somewhere to be and had simply not mentioned it. So I fixed the gate. With power tools. Problem solved. They found a new spot. I don’t know where it is yet. But they are still visiting the neighbors daily, which means they have already identified an alternate route and are not inclined to share it. Congratulations to Han Solo, Princess Leia, Morpheus, and Neo — this round’s Questionable Choice Award winners. You earned it. Welcome to the club. You were already members. |
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If you need me, I’ll be walking through the brush at dusk like a woman with a commute she didn’t apply for, googling “do peacocks visit neighbors on purpose or is this just a coincidence I’m going to have to manage.” |