Meet the Ranch
A Field Guide
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A documented catalog of the chaos contributors.
Some cooperated. Most did not.
For the stories, see The Story → or What's New →
The Humans
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Technically in charge
James
Said “no chickens.” Got peacocks instead. Has concerns. Still the only person the birds listen to.
Read More →✦ ✦ ✦
The Cats
"Never consulted"✦ ✦ ✦
The Witnesses Who Did Not Consent
Bill
Counts things. Possibly a Flerken. Tastes your elbow for sauce before biting. Has questionable bladder habits. The counting always adapts.
Read More →
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The Peafowl
"The actual problem"✦ ✦ ✦
The Reason This Blog Exists
Senior Management
Han Solo
Guard peacock. Maybe three brain cells, all of them buffering. Believes he is the hero of this story. Still not allowed on the Tesla.
Read More →
Leia
Plays the worry hen. Don’t fall for it. Runs a perch protection racket with Han. Has serious FOMO. Someone has to save our skins.
Read More →The Little Ones
Survivors. Rooftop camping enthusiasts.
Morpheus
Imprinted. Headstrong. Escape artist. Primary cause of emergency midnight Google searches.
Read More →
Neo
Loyal sidekick. Gorgeous. Follows Morpheus into everything. Does not question the plan. Is the plan.
Read More →